A-Rod Comes Clean: It's My Cousin's Fault!

Outed for his steroid use by some vindictive paper-pusher in the Major League Baseball office, Alex Rodriguez has been forced to admit the startling truth: "It's my cousin's fault."
Apparently, the regular season force of nature who was, until recently, baseball's best hope for a clean home run champion took steroids for a few years while in Texas.

A-rod joins a long list of stars diminished by allegations that their gaudy (and godly) stats were helped in part by injections that were not banned by the sport until recently. Because he is widely considered the best player in the game and also widely considered to be a charmless prick whose contract is killing the sport, A-rod has been forced to make a variety of mea culpas in innumerable venues. The latest resulted in A-rod admitting that his decision to cheat was his cousin's fault.


"I was curious, I was young," said Rodriguez describing the frequent sessions in which he and his cousin injected each other. "It was basically amateur hour. I'm not even sure we took it right."

This marks the latest incident to be blamed on an unnamed cousin. Perhaps the most notorious being the woman whose telephone service had been disconnected due to her cousin's excessive long-distance calling.